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January 15
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  • Mood: Compassion
I know this will be so sappy even weird;; but no need to read if you dont want to ^^.
Anyway...

I've had so much heartache in the past...first I was to ugly...then to fat...then not girly...so I just gave up on love...I was always tossed aside...I thought with :icontuckerton: it would last...it seemed so amazing,but...it just ended again...I wasnt to clingy or anything,just..he would leave so long after sounding so sad,and never let me know..and I would worry sick...months now...so I told him so many times,love is an equal partnership,where..he doesnt need to just help me...I'm there for him too,I will hold his burden too,I wont let him hurt alone.He told me he'd remember...but then since I wasnt sexual or where we could meet soon...he..just went different ways...I'm guessing he found a new love anyhow..he kind of acted like it too ^^;; but...

I was pretty down...and so was :iconladydemona:


I think we really thought no matter what,we'd never be loved again.

To Kerry,I've known her for so long,the very first of my friends to adopt me as a sibling.She was so much like me,and she was so nice and gentle.Her personality is so warm and giving...how someone cant like her..I have no clue.Many who dont are just butt-fuck trolls so...

I always liked her..on a deep level,but in my family,and I quote "if it aint straight,it aint right" so...I just feared being myself..
I'm Pansexual,I love every gender/sex. I mean I'm a spaz whore with Males and Masculine Intersex :iconhurrplz: But...

I'm not sexually active,in fact,I may be a mental pervert,but..sex itself? No...
So much "sexual" stuff...in my childhood,lets say...I'm fine being a sexless virgin...

But anyway....
When I found out I was Pan,I felt so comfortable,so happy,
And I admited my attraction to everyone...but still I had to sheild it from my family...My dad would literally beat me,and my mom wouldnt look at me the same,even kick me out...

Kerry...she was already in a relationship (such a very..chaotic,unstable,abusive one..) that...I tried guys,I tried to help them...I introduced Sarah to her;; or more so helped to get them together.And...I never felt worthy enough to tell her...she doesnt deserve some horrible,low life like me ^^; But...we were best friends and sisters :D I was so happy with that,so..I merely repressed the crush,soon forgetting it,or..putting it away in my mind.But..after they broke up (Sarah did it...so very rudely and horribly) so...
I helped Kerry get back up,and I was so happy! She got back up on her feet so fast,I'm still so proud of her,since she was told "she'd never be loved again or have someone as amazing as her" so...

We got even closer as sisters then,inseperable,but...soon..that feeling...that feeling I tucked away...came back up...soon..I just broke down to :iconbloodredsinfulness: and..he helped me,he was so honest,and made me believe,at least telling her,would help get it off my shoulders...so I went to tell her; but I was so nervous...so just I did with them,Gregor did it for us...I...guys I smiled so big hearing her tell me she always had one on me too :D

I really do love you Kerry...so much,I smile at you,when I hear your voice,it's the best sound in the world,and hearing you laugh makes me laugh too,you're such..an amazing person,and when you hurt...I will hurt with you too...I'll laugh with you,cry with you,battle against enemies for you,what ever you want..I will always do for you,you have my entire heart...regardless of what you do.If you break it,I'll still love you.I support you with every and anything.

Our relationship may be seen as homosexual...but I dont see a label,I dont love you for your body or sex...I love who you are,the entire spirit and mind..all of you,I love you the most...I love all your silly words.If it's a taboo? I'll break it.Hey,I'd go to hell and back 10 times in a row for you :) I love you so much,I cant express it.I want to give you everything I can.And if we get to see each other for summer,if somehow I can go to CA this year...I'll finally be able to hold your hand...and smile the biggest,I promise once I see you,I'll hold you close and never let go.

Maybe at the con,we can waltz too in the FMA ball xD just as Greed and Ed,a BEAUTIFUL ENEMIES THAT HATE EACH OTHER GREATLEH CRACK LUUURRRV.
That Roy you danced with...was a luck guy ;)

But in a sense,I cant tell you enough Kerry,I love you.Soooo much.My heart is yours and..I wont ever let you be hurt by anyone...and if you are hurt where I cant stop it? I'll hurt there with you,holding your burden on my shoulders. :)
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:iconpartyrockingpikachu:
~PartyRockingPikachu Jan 15, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I heard in one of your journals that you have a boyfriend and a cross dressing girlfriend, but did you just break up with your boyfriend? Or cross dressing girlfriend?
Reply
:iconladydemona:
*LadyDemona Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I'm not a crossdresser I'm a thing you call a cosplayer.
Reply
:iconpartyrockingpikachu:
~PartyRockingPikachu Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh LOL
I heard in one of her journals that she has a crossdressing girlfriend.
Reply
:iconladydemona:
*LadyDemona Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
no she ment cosplaying I think though I bet you misread what she typed
Reply
:iconpartyrockingpikachu:
~PartyRockingPikachu Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hmm, maybe, yeah. But she did mentein she had a boyfriend (idk if he even lives where she does) but I find it cute that she has a boyfriend >u<
Reply
:iconladydemona:
*LadyDemona Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
She doesn't have a boyfriend anymore they broke up
Reply
:iconpartyrockingpikachu:
~PartyRockingPikachu Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh ;n; well that's sad :(
oh well, shit happens sometimes
Reply
:iconladydemona:
*LadyDemona Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
yeah but I'm her new girlfriend. She and I have known eachother for more then 4 years.
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconladydemona:
*LadyDemona Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I don't think thats true you probably read it wrong
Reply
:iconladydemona:
*LadyDemona Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
who cosplays as guy and therese nothing wrong with it either.
Reply
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